Frankly, it’s easier to sit back and wait for the new pastor to prove themselves or to come up with the right plan that can lead us forward. But churches that move toward health have discovered that the people must get involved and contribute to the new day, often just as much as the pastor. There are at two things that only the people can bring to this equation.

Let’s look at the people’s two things..

1. The readiness to face reality.

Well over half of America’s churches have plateaued or are in decline and the moral drift of our culture is away from the influence of the church more and more each year. Things simply aren’t going to get better at our church unless some intentional steps are taken.

Leadership gurus call it urgency–the “what” that motivates us to see the need for change in our church if we are going to succeed in ways we aren’t succeeding now. Most have heard insanity’s definition–doing what you’ve always done and expecting different results. But, sadly, many congregations seem content to maintain failing ministries and practices that no longer connect with their community. Perhaps like nowhere else in our culture, failure is acceptable at church as long as the remaining members are happy.

I often speak of four questions a church must say “yes” to before a new day of health can emerge –

1. Do we know we need to change?
2. Are we willing to change?
3. Do we know how to change?
4. Are we willing to do that?

I am always amazed at how unwilling a declining church can be to say “ yes ” to those first two.. Honestly, having the right answer to question three doesn’t matter if you can’t get a “ yes ” to the first two.

Yes, we like our church and we like the way things are done at our church. That’s a big part of why we find ourselves attending our church. But if the way we do things isn’t helping us fulfill our mission of reaching people for Christ, are we willing to face that reality? Many aren’t.

Even the most amazing pastors can’t help a church get healthy if the people won’t look clearly at the need.

Now, facing reality doesn’t have to mean we take on a “doom and gloom” spirit. Instead, ours should be a determination to fulfill our mission, one that is willing to shift gears if necessary, to get back up that hill. Jesus established His Church not to simply be about us, but to be a vehicle through which we can be about the “them” currently outside our walls. This brings us to our next step..

2. Create an embracing environment.

Now, I’m a church kid. I have so much experience walking into churches that I seldom feel confused or uncertain as to what to do. But I’m the exception. The extremely rare exception. In fact, I’m the dinosaur of church life. People like me just don’t exist anymore. Instead, an entire culture drifts into a worship service with absolutely no knowledge of what to do or what will happen. And if we treat them the way many churches have treated me, well…

As a guest, I can tell whether or not the people of the church want me there, have any interest in knowing me, or could ever care about my life. I can make that judgment in minutes. Now that may not seem fair, but that’s what your guests do every week.

Where are the people who love people? Where are friendly folks who have a hope that their church might grow? Is the pastor the only guy hoping for that?

Each week, the people of the church create an atmosphere for the guest experience.

I’m not talking about making sure the greeters all showed up or have their cues down pat. If welcoming new people is someone else’s job, then my church is failing at it. Now I’m all for trained greeters and the systems we put in place to extend a good first impression, but friendly people–genuinely friendly people–create the best environment.

Sadly, in many struggling churches, the members come in each week more concerned about themselves than their church. They wonder if they’ll see their friend or if someone will notice their new outfit, or if the pastor’s sermon will be what they need. And they wonder why the pastor isn’t growing their church. Maybe he’s just not doing a good job..

In the church I pastored, we did a little experiment. I asked 40 people to commit to a six-month challenge. Each week, when they attended the weekend service of their choice, I asked them to do three things:

• MEET someone they had never met
• PRAY for someone or promise to pray for them when they heard or saw a need
• HELP someone in even the simplest way (carry a diaper bag, point out restrooms, etc)

We called it MPH and thought such an effort would help us “pick up speed” in becoming the church we wanted to be. We even filled out cards each week, listing the names of those we met, prayed for, and helped.

The impact was unbelievable!

During those six months, the church became one of the friendliest places I’ve ever been. I never saw a guest by themselves. New people were making friends faster than they could have hoped.

In fact, a year later (we tracked it) our visitor retention rate more than doubled. 48% of those who visited are church in that 6-month period were actively attending and involved in the life of the church one year later.

When we are intentionally friendly, good things happen. People want to be in those places where they feel cared about and see the potential for friendships.

If there was a guest at your church last week, and you didn’t meet them…you dropped the ball! Does that seem harsh? I’m not trying to offend you, but if a family came to your house for dinner and you didn’t speak to them, you’re wife would be furious at you! Why is that someone else’s job when that same family comes to your church?

Creating an embracing environment is one step that the people of the congregation can take to demonstrate their desire to see their church grow. It’s their most powerful step. So get some people together and start figuring out how to do it.

After we face the reality of our declining church, most of us immediately want to know what to do. Well, here it is…create an embracing environment in your church. The two churches I pastored experienced remarkable turnarounds and growth. I’m convinced this was a direct result of the people taking their two steps.

This article is republished from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary.

Cognitive Effects of Smartphone Use

The rise of smartphone use has led many psychologists and researchers to conduct studies to determine the cognitive effects on the human brain as a result of their use. This is relevant to preaching because as Richard Cox pointed out in his book, Rewiring Your Preaching, “the results of preaching are predicated and dependent on the worshiper’s natural (brain) ability to pay attention, integrate current thought with experiences and knowledge, and utilize memory.” ¹ This implies that the available cognitive capacity of listeners is dependent on their ability to pay attention – something that is hard to do when we live in a world where our smartphones connect us to the internet and notifications are seemingly endless.

In 2017, a research team from the University of Texas at Austin led by psychologist Adrian Ward conducted two experiments to test “how dependence on these devices affects the ability to think and function in the world off-screen.” ²

This particular study concentrated on the notion that the mere presence of one’s smartphone can impair their cognition and reduce their focus on a given task. The study consisted of nearly 800 undergraduate students who were asked to do one of three things with their smartphones:

• place their smartphone on the desk in view
• place their smartphone in their pocket, purse or backpack, but within reach
• place their smartphones somewhere outside of the

This study was then carried out in two different experiments –

Experiment 1 – a group of the participants were subjected to a variety of tests that measured each student’s cognitive capacity.

This experiment found that the students that left their phone in another room outperformed the students that had their phones close by. The researcher’s results revealed that the mere presence of one’s smartphone decreases available cognitive capacity and can effectively impairs cognitive functioning, even though individuals feel they’re giving their complete attention and focus to a task.

Experiment 2 – a group of participants were given the same focus-oriented tests to measure available cognitive capacity.

The difference with this group however, is that the students were required to self-report when they felt the need to think about their phone. Again, the results revealed that the students that left their phones outside of the room outperformed the students that had their phones close by. This suggests that when preachers are speaking, listeners are already at a cognitive disadvantage by just having their smartphone in their pocket or in their purse nearby.

Smartphones have also introduced a notion that multitasking can be good for the brain and that focus can be equally distributed.

When listeners pull out their smartphones during a sermon to check a text message or read a sports notification, their intention might be to briefly multitask before returning to focusing fully on the sermon. According to Daniel Goleman, a bestselling author on emotional and social intelligence, the brain simply doesn’t work this way.

Goleman shares: “Attention tasks don’t really go on in parallel, as “multitasking” implies; instead they demand rapid switching from one thing to the other. And following every such switch, when our attention returns to the original task, its strength has been appreciably diminished. It can take several minutes to ramp up once again to full concentration” ³

This reality presents a challenge for preachers. Each time a smartphone is used by a listener, concentration on the sermon is lost and then must be regained. In fact, each time a listeners interacts with his or her smartphone during your sermon, they might be tempted to view more than just one notification. Their intention of viewing one acute text message might lead them check other applications on their smartphone as well since they already have it out and available to them.

It is plausible to deduce from the research described above that the human attention span during smartphone use has been decreased. It is also plausible to link these decreases in cognition to the increased reliance on smartphones.

In fact, Apple released a statistic in 2016 stating that their iPhone users routinely unlocked their devices on average of 80 times per day. ⁴ Another 2016 study found that the attention span of students listening to lectures is determined by the skills of the lecturer rather than the material itself. ⁵ These results indicate that a preacher skilled in the art of presentation should be able to capture the attention of an audience throughout a sermon, no matter the topic or length.

POSITIVE IMPLICATIONS OF PUBLIC SPEAKING IN THE SMARTPHONE AGE

Obviously, excessive smartphone use is not good for the brain or for us preachers who wish to use our homiletical gifts to make an impact for God’s kingdom. But in light of all of the research that points to the negative aspects of congregational cellular use, there is a big advantage that preachers may wish to capitalize on. This advantage is that public speaking is still regarded as a popular way to communicate information in our modern society. The TED Talks organization is known for doing public speaking well.

Just as the Apostle Paul would step up to speak with the Stoics and Epicureans in a public meeting place of his time, TED has become a popular medium to share insightful ideas in our contemporary society. The TED model allows presenters to speak in front of audiences at various events throughout a given year. These talks are then shared online to a larger worldwide audience.

The popularity of TED is a reminder that public speaking is still a relevant and effective way to communicate an idea to an audience. The TED Talks website currently boasts 2,800 ⁶ available talks in digital video format. Though TED Talks began in 1984, the organization began publishing their talks online in 2006 and had already reached a staggering one billion views by 2012. ⁷

According to TED’s curator, Chris Anderson, public speaking offers listeners something that they can’t get out of just reading information: personal connection, engagement, curiosity, understanding, empathy, excitement, conviction and action. ⁸ Anderson understands smartphone competition with public speaking as an “attention war” and offers many pieces of advice in his TED public speaking guide to combat it. ⁹

As Anderson implies, public speaking itself still remains one of the most effective means of communicating an idea to an audience.

Conclusion

In the preaching world, though the message comes from God, the presenter has the opportunity to use his or her spiritual gifting to uniquely relay that message through one’s own personality and method of speaking. Learning how to do this in a world where smartphones are “warring” for the attentions of listeners is vital. It can be done and it can be done well. Effective modern preaching strives to tear away the individualistic gratification offered by smartphones by in turn offering the communication of information with a personal touch.

References:

¹ Richard H. Cox, Rewiring Your Preaching. (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2012), 23.

² Adrian F. Ward, Kristen Duke, Ayelet Gneezy, and Maarten W. Bos, “Brain Drain: The Mere Presence of One’s Own Smartphone Reduces Available Cognitive Capacity,” Journal of the Association for Consumer Research 2, no. 2 (April 2017): 140-154.

³ Goleman, Daniel. “Multitasking Isn’t Making You More Efficient, It’s Frying Your Attention Span.” LinkedIn (blog), September 9, 2017. Accessed August 14, 2018. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/multitasking-isnt-making-you-more-efficient-its-frying-daniel-goleman/.

⁴ Bajarin, Ben. “Apple’s Penchant for Consumer Security.” Tech.pinions (blog), April 18, 2016. Accessed August 10, 2018. https://techpinions.com/apples-penchant-for-consumer-security/45122.

⁵ Bradbury, Neil A. “Attention Span during Lectures: 8 Seconds, 10 Minutes, or More?” Advances in Psychology Education40, no. 4 (December 2016): 509-13. Accessed August 12, 2018. https://www.physiology.org/doi/10.1152/advan.00109.2016.

⁶ TED Talks. https://www.ted.com/talks?sort=popular (accessed on Sept. 1 2018) This number represents the available TED Talks as of the writing of this paper. This number continues to grow each month as TED adds more events and talks to their library.

⁷ TED Staff. “TED Reaches Its Billionth Video View!” TED Blog, 30 Oct. 2014, blog.ted.com/ted-reaches-its-billionth-video-view/. (accessed on Sept. 1 2018).

⁸ Chris Anderson, TED Talks: The Official TED Guide to Public Speaking. (New York, NY: First Mariner Books, 2017), 199.

⁹ Anderson, TED Talks: The Official TED Guide to Public Speaking, 157.

There is!

Suppose there were just two things that everyone in the church could do that would make all the difference. Would that interest you? I am convinced that those two things exist. In fact, here’s how it works–there are two things the pastor must do; and two things the people of the congregation must do; and two things the pastor and people can do together that will create momentum in a new direction.

Let’s start with the pastor’s two things…

1. The pastor must commit to grow himself.

One of the truths I learned as a pastor is that if you don’t have a strategy for growing yourself, no one will bring you one. Fact is, nobody will grow you but you. So every pastor must create a strategy for developing himself to be more effective and knowledgeable about the work of ministry.

Many years ago when I was settling into my first full-time ministry role, a deacon stopped by my office with a challenge. He encouraged me to commit to read one book a week. Now, I love to read so the challenge resonated with me. I said “yes” and told him I would report to him each Sunday with the title of the book I had read that week. He said, “no.” He told me that he would be able to tell if I was reading by listening to me preach and watching my ministry. I realize now how profound that was. Since that day in 1986, I have read at least 50 books each year and believe my life has been greatly enhanced by that man’s recommendation.

Now, not everyone is a reader or wants to read at that kind of pace, but each of us can take charge of our development.

1. Video learning is available to the visual learner.
2. Books and magazines can help the reader.
3. Podcasts are the way the auditory person makes it work.
4. Enrolling in a class can help me grow and provides some good accountability.

Somehow…build a strategy for learning and growing yourself.

I have scheduled three learning times in my day–morning, afternoon, and evening. Typically I have a different book waiting for me every time I can steal a few minutes during these parts of the day. Most days, I get to the office 30 minutes early for my morning growth, take an hour in the afternoon when my mind needs recharging to open my afternoon book, and keep a book handy in the evenings. I’ve found that “vegging out” with a book is far better than the TV. Of course, every day doesn’t allow me to spend time with all three such moments, but having a plan means I get there more often than not.

Here’s the bottom-line: If you’re growing, what you touch will grow too.

I learned early on that the people who are following my leadership can’t grow past me. If they do, they won’t be following me anymore. I also learned that when I’m growing, the world around me looks and smells better. Fact is, a growing leader more naturally grows the people around him/her. I’ve been at this ministry leadership thing for nearly three decades now and I am fully convinced that nothing affects my ministry effort nearly as much as my own personal growth.

Build a plan and do it today! If you’re not sure where to start, contact a trusted friend or mentor and gain their help. If you don’t make time to grow, you’re church will never have time to be healthy. If you want to discuss this topic with me, I’ll be glad to share more about the steps I’ve taken toward this critical priority. (Email me at mclarensau@ag.org .)

2. Every pastor needs a strong team.

To have one, the pastor needs to start building that team now! A strong leadership team gives the church and the pastor the people resources to begin expanding healthy ministry. Also, a strong team provides the support and encouragement a pastor needs to be able to do his part effectively.

Perhaps the two most common ways pastors resist this idea are these:

1. The pastor says, “I already have a good team.”

First, that’s good to hear! But there’s a difference between having a good team and building a strong one. Are you growing your team? Do you have a plan for increasing their capacity through discipleship and leadership training. Are the members of your team growing because they are on your team?

Taking this step starts with planning learning time into every team meeting. If your team is a pastoral staff or group of deacons, spend the first 30 minutes of every staff or deacon meeting in learning mode. One way to do this is to read a book together. Give each team member a copy of an important book and spend those thirty minutes discussing a chapter each month. Or perhaps you can watch a video series together. Don’t preach another message at them, but be sure to engage them in learning through discussion.

As we said last time, if you’re growing, everything around you can grow too. The same is true for the members of your team. Because they are connected to you, they should be growing in ways that affect their entire lives. Invest in them and your influence as a leader in their lives will grow. And as you do, their capacity will increase.

2. Resistance comes from the pastor who says, “I don’t have anyone to work with.”

Then start small. Choose two or three individuals that support you and start growing them. Meet over a book for coffee or lunch. Start growing someone as you grow yourself. If you don’t have a team, don’t wait any longer to start building one. This effort will impact your church’s health more than any program you can establish or sermon series you’ll preach.

Find a few to invest in. That’s what Jesus did, and through sacrifice and much effort, He built a team that became world-changers.

A few years ago, I met a pastor who is building a team of teenagers. These are the people he has to work with so he’s not letting their age keep him from growing their leadership capacity. No matter where you are, you can start somewhere.

The pastor has two steps only he can take in establishing a healthy church – growing himself and building a strong team.

What causes people to take offense?

Researchers have defined offense as a feeling that is “triggered by a blow to a person’s honor” because it contradicts a person’s self-concept and identity (Poggi & D’Errico, 2018).

Zander (1976) defined the feeling of offense as progressing through three phases:

• The offended person identifies the cause of the offense and works to develop some sort of interpretation.
• The offended person attempts to determine the intensity of the feeling of the offense which is based on one’s belief of self and whether the offender holds those same beliefs.
• The offended person has some sort of reaction to the offense that is based on a number of factors. Notice that a person has already chosen to take offense when s/he begins to go through these phases.

So what factors determine the intensity of the offensive feeling?

Insecurities.

One of the most common reasons people take offense is insecurity. Insecurities are based on one’s self-concept, ideas and feelings about self (Coon & Mitterer, 2009). When the self-concept is challenged, one will question perceptions of self and insecurities ensue. The goal becomes finding a way to rectify the words spoken or actions taken with the self-concept. If rectification does not place, the feeling of offense can be an effect.

The dissonance between one’s self-concept and another’s words or actions can be rectified not only with acceptance, but also with a strong identity and self-concept. The person will need to make a choice: to accept, reject with offense, or reject without offense.

“If a person has a strong self-concept, the less likely s/he will choose to take offense.”

Significance of Relationship.

The significance of the offender and the role in the life of the offended can impact the intensity of the feeling of offense (Cohen, Nisbett, Bowdel, & Schwarz, 1996). For example, if a boss says something contrary to the self-concept and belief of the offended, the intensity of the feeling of offense may be greater than if an unknown coworker would make the same comment.

A person’s level of authority and honor in another person’s life could also impact the intensity of the feeling (Cohen et al., 1996). This may provide an explanation as to why some may not take offense or take less offense to comments or behaviors made by people whom we see as equals, friends.

Interpersonal Assertiveness.

Ames, Lee, & Wazlawek (2017) define interpersonal assertiveness as the extent to which people choose to advocate for themselves and their needs even when others do not necessarily agree. This is a particularly tricky endeavor. A person has to learn to balance between being to forward in articulating needs and not being forward enough in articulation. For people who are not used to advocating for their own needs or ideas, this task can seem daunting. Instead of sharing desires, people can shrink back. This in turn, causes one to be frustrated and possibly take offense when another, who is strongly assertive, takes charge.

Previous Experiences.

This may be the primary reason people take offense. Our experiences shape our psychosocial development. There are many theories that we could address here but that would be a blog for another day. What we do know is that people learn from their own experiences and watching the experiences of others (Bandura, 1977).

Our experiences condition us to think and respond in ways we may not realize. For example, if we have had negative previous experiences with a person, we may tend to interpret all interaction with that person as negative. Additionally, because of transference, we may “transfer” our feelings about that person to another person who looks, acts, or behaves in the same way (Hackney & Cormier, 2017). This damages relationships and can cause resentment among both parties.

Societal and Cultural Pressure.

Society has expectations. Culture has expectations. Ways of behaving, ways of responding in which people are judged and evaluated. The media feeds these expectations but portraying and emphasizing the “appropriate” and “inappropriate” responses to cultural events, political decisions. This behavior transcends politics and religion.

Institutions demand that we, the people, respond in these expected ways and when we do not, we are deemed an enemy of the public, the institution, or the policy. We have been taught that it is not acceptable to disagree. This mentality has permeated society for decades. It was the brave, the bold, who fought against these expectations to bring social change whether we agreed or disagreed. When people do not meet expectations, offense will fester if we allow it.

Conclusion

Offense. We have a choice. We can take it or leave it. Although there are multiple reasons we choose to take offense, some of which are listed above, we still have a choice. There is autonomy with our feelings. We have the right to feel and the choice to choose our response. To take or not to take?

References:

Ames, D., Lee, Al., & Wazlawek, A. (2017). Interpersonal assertiveness: Inside the balancing act. Social & Personality Psychology Compass, 11(6), 1-16.

Bandura A. (1977) Self-efficacy: toward a unifying theory of behavior change. Psychological Review, 84(2), 191–215.

Coon, Dennis & Mitterer, John (2009). Psychology: Modules for active learning

(13th ed.). Belmont, CA: Thompson Learning, Inc.

Hackney, H. L., & Cormier, S. (2017). The professional counselor: a process guide to helping (8th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson. Additional readings as assigned by the Instructor.

Poggi, I., & D’Errico, F. (2018). Feeling offended: A blow to our image and our social relationships. Frontiers in Psychology, 8, 1-16.

8 Tips for Discipling Millennials (Continued)

5. Empower millennials to make a difference in their local community and around the world.

Millennials want to change the world.

Millennials are the generation of protests. It’s not because they don’t respect authority. It’s because they want to see change. They desire for the world to be more just, more kind, more loving, more inclusive. (It sort of sounds a lot like Jesus.) Millennials want to change the world. A primary strategy for discipleship in previous generations has been to get a Christian plugged into some kind of volunteer ministry within their local church. That’s still an important tool. But we must also give them opportunities to make a difference in their local community and around the world and then celebrate when they do that. As a group, many Christian millennials aren’t nearly as interested in building a great church for Jesus as they are building a great community for Jesus. We must empower millennials with the training, knowledge, and resources they need to build the kingdom of God as they live their daily lives outside the context of their local church. We have a generation of young Christian who want to make a difference. Let’s empower them and release them to go do it.

6. Help millennials to see who Jesus is by modeling Christ-centered discipleship.

Millennials have a desire to understand Jesus better.

If you follow any church leadership blogs, you might be a little depressed. Much has been written about the future of the local church, and sometimes they paint a bleak picture. We know that Jesus promised to build his Church, and despite any challenges that churches face right now, I firmly believe the future is bright for the local church. At the same time, it is true that many millennials just aren’t interested in attending church. That can be changed, but the truth is that even though some aren’t interested in what they view as an organizational structure called the church, many are very interested in Jesus. They are interested in learning more about him. The greatest thing we can do in any discipleship relationship is to help another person to see Jesus better. As millennials learn a true biblical picture of Jesus and then begin to better understand his love for him, they can’t help but fall more in love with Jesus. And that’s discipleship. As much as anything else, making disciples is helping people to love Jesus more. If a millennial you are trying to reach is not as interested in church as you would

hope, perhaps they will be more interested in Jesus. Help them to see what a Christ centered life looks like, and I believe they will also begin to grow in their love for Jesus’ people.

7. Invite single millennials to be a part of your daily life and model for them what it means to follow Jesus.

Millennials are likely to stay single for a longer period of time.

I mentioned earlier that I grew up in the Christian culture of the 1990’s. That culture practically demanded all young people who loved Jesus to get married. If you didn’t marry, people thought something was wrong with you. Check this out…I got married at the age of 19! And if that’s not crazy enough, nobody ever suggested to me that getting married that young might not be a great idea. I was pretty mature for a teenager and was serving as a youth pastor at that time. I probably wasn’t the typical Christian teen, but still…19 is pretty young. Things worked out well for me and I think my wife is still relatively happy with her decision, but I bet you know of people that got married young and things didn’t work out so well.

Instead of placing older cultural expectations on millennials and suggesting that they must marry, allow them to grow in their relationship with Christ and become a genuine disciple of Jesus as a single person. You probably know that recent generations are postponing marriage, and millennials are following the same trend. Instead of expecting them to marry in order to have the life God intended or pressuring them to follow your specific path regarding marriage and children, help millennials see that they don’t need to get married before they can become a mature follower of Jesus or make a difference in our world. Invite them to be a part of your life. Model for them now what it looks like for someone that loves Jesus to live a life dedicated to him.

8. Help millennials learn how to incorporate solitude in their spiritual journey.

Millennials are surrounded by constant interaction with the world around them through texting and social media.

Depending on who you believe, we each see somewhere around 5,000 various advertisements a day. Millennials might follow hundreds or even thousands of people on social media. In addition, they might send and receive several dozen text messages each day. Add to that the mental fatigue that can occur from extended time playing video games. It all can be overwhelming. One of the things we often value in American culture is work, and work definitely has value. But Christians often forget the importance of Sabbath. Millennials can often have their mind engaged constantly. It’s important to teach them to grow in the discipline of solitude. Our desire for relationships can drive us to seek constant interaction. We seek noise and crowds. Jesus spent plenty of time with the crowds, but he also teaches us by his example of the importance of solitude. Part of discipling millennials should likely include examples and practical instruction on how to be silent. What does a quiet time look like? How can reading, prayer, and journaling help me to grow as a disciple of Jesus? What does

thoughtful reflection look like? How can I be alone without being lonely? These are questions that our discipleship of millennials should seek to answer.

In Conclusion

I hope this blog series has given you some practical suggestions for discipling millennials and perhaps some things to think through regarding your own discipleship methods. Are we focusing on making disciples that look like we looked when we were in our teens to mid-30’s? Or are we making disciples that look like Jesus? It’s okay for millennials to grow in their own way and at their own pace. Each previous generation did the same thing.

You gotta love millennials!

I don’t know if you’re a sports fan or not, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say you aren’t likely a diehard follower of the Montgomery Biscuits. (Why can’t all sports teams be named after delicious breakfast foods?) The Biscuits are a minor league baseball team in Montgomery, Alabama, and they made news this summer by offering a promotion called Millennial Night. Here’s what their promotional tweet said: “Want free things without doing much work? Well, you’re in luck! Riverwalk Stadium will be Millennial ready on Saturday, July 21st with a participation ribbon giveaway just for showing up, napping and selfie stations, along with lots of avocados.”

Minor league baseball teams have long been known for their creative promotional events to try to entice people to come out to the ballpark. But the Biscuits took some flak over Millennial Night. Not everyone appreciated their humor. It’s become a trendy thing to poke fun at millennials. A church produced a popular video called “You’ve Gotta Love Millennials” that made the rounds on social media. And in the end, I guess that song title is sort of the point. You do gotta love millennials. We have to love them. The church must love millennials because millennials are people. Every generation has had its own set of challenges and characteristics. That uniqueness can challenge us to change our methods, but the fundamental message is still the same. God calls us to make disciples of all generations. So, how do we disciple millennials? The goal of this article is to help answer that question.

What is a Millennial?

Millennials are often defined as people born in the 1980’s and 1990’s. Some extend that to the early 2000’s. That means that today millennials can range from teenagers through those in their mid-30’s. Though every generation has its own unique characteristics that help to distinguish it from previous generations, it’s impossible and unhelpful to limit people or stereotype them based on their generation. Not every Millennial is going to think the same way or have the same tendencies. Our discipleship methods change over time to fit those we’ve been called to reach and must adjust person to person as we get to know the individual. Now that we’ve clarified that, let me share with you several tips for discipling millennials.

8 Tips for Discipling Millennials

1. Develop strategies for connecting millennials with one another and with other age groups.

Millennials are interested in relationships yet often struggle developing them.

The need for relationships isn’t unique to millennials, but they face some extra challenges. In a stroke of irony, it appears that in many cases social media is making us less social. It’s easy for millennials to be acquainted with hundreds or even thousands of people, but not genuinely connected to anyone. There really isn’t such a thing as non-relational discipleship. When God does something in our lives, he most often does it through other people. Because millennials have a great likelihood to desire close relationships but actually struggle finding them, it’s important for us to connect our discipleship processes to more than just teaching information.

“We aren’t imparting facts. We’re connecting people. Millennials want (and need) relationships with caring people, spiritual mentors, and other Christians who can engage them mentally and simply live life with them.”

2. Show millennials what it looks like to be a disciple of Jesus out in the “real world”.

Millennials want their spiritual life to impact their daily life in practical ways.

Our tendency is to see life in various boxes. We compartmentalize things quite nicely. We have our work box, family box, fun box, and our God box. This is one reason why so many Christians don’t see the need for discipleship. They’re quite content to serve God by attending church on Sundays but fail to integrate their faith in practical ways throughout the week. God doesn’t see our life in various boxes, and neither do many millennials. As a whole, millennials are a “what have you done for me lately” generation. Our grandparents used the same toothpaste for decades, bought the same model of car, and attended the same church for a lifetime. That’s not how millennials typically think. They want to see how something is relevant to them and helps them in their daily life. Millennials aren’t looking for a Sunday Jesus. They want a Seven Day Jesus (to steal the name of an old Christian rock band). We must show millennials how their work, school, free time, and all aspects of daily life are impacted by our desire to be disciples of Jesus. There is no sacred/secular divide for millennials. Everything is sacred because Jesus is involved in all of life. We must help millennials understand that. This leads us to our next tip…

3. Develop a holistic definition of what it means to be a disciple.

Millennials are not as church-centric as previous generations.

I became a Christian on April 18, 1993, at the age of 14. (Well, that was about the thousandth time I had become a Christian, but that’s when it finally stuck.) So, I grew up in a Pentecostal Christian culture of the 90’s. At that time, we judged whether or not you really loved God by how often you came to church. It didn’t mean anything special to come on a Sunday morning. We were more interested in whether you came on Sunday night and Wednesday night. We’d pay special attention to who was and wasn’t there. This was often our way of justifying our own spiritual self-worth. I’m more committed to God than this person because I attend church more often. That generation saw the Christian life as being completely connected to a person’s involvement in a local church. We can debate the merits of that approach, but that’s not how millennials think. They don’t view the church as the centerpiece of their faith.

I have been a pastor. I believe in the local church. However, I’ve personally learned the necessity of extending my understanding of discipleship beyond the reaches of the local church. We must develop a more holistic approach to discipleship. For example, much of what we’ve preached as discipleship is simply behavior modification. We’ve judged discipleship by how often someone attends church, how few curse words they say, etc. As long as you are doing all the right things and not doing all the bad things, then you’re good. The problem with that approach is the goal of discipleship is not behavior modification but heart transformation. Millennials have figured this out better than some of us long-timers. Being a disciple of Jesus affects every area of our life. Jesus helps me to be a better husband, father, employee, and friend. Not just a better church member.

4. Build a discipleship based social media presence.

Millennials enjoy learning and digesting information in small bites often through social media.

Money is not good or bad. Music is not good or bad. Food is not good or bad. Social media is not good or bad. No “thing” is good or bad. They’re all just tools. If millennials are using social media and spending excessive amounts of time on their phone, it only makes sense to use that tool for the task of making disciples. If you are involved in discipling millennials, then it’s important to take advantage of the opportunity that social media offers.

When it comes to social media, you have to play the long game. For example, I have purposefully and strategically attempted to tweet encouraging, thought-provoking,gospel-centered, Christ-focused, grace filled (and occasionally humorous) messages 140-280 characters at a time day after day after day for years. I’d get some favorites, likes, and retweets. But then something happened. I started getting messages from millennials letting me know how much my posts meant to them and that when they’ve had a hard day they will go to my account to read and think about the things I’ve said. I am trying to make disciples one tweet at a time, and millennials have often responded in a positive way.

In Conclusion

These have been our first 4 tips regarding how to disciple millennials. Make sure to look out for Part 2 of this blog series where we will discuss the final 4 tips. My prayer is that the Holy Spirit gives you new insight and fresh opportunities to disciple millennials as they can grow to become everything God has called them to be and take on important leadership roles within the church and community.

What does “in crisis” mean?

I would define “in crisis” as any situation where a person feels like their stressors outweigh their coping skills. What one person views as a crisis might be not even be seen by another as a problem. Being in crisis is not only the moment where the client is going to attempt suicide or about the “jump off a cliff” but it can be very subtle and can look differently for each person. A crisis could be due to external or internal stressors and might be expressed through various ways like anger, crying, or high anxiety. Walking alongside someone who is “in crisis” allows us the opportunity to help the person process emotions, use appropriate coping skills, and continue in recovery with more tools and recovery then they had before the crisis occurred.

Why is suicide such a scary topic to discuss?

One of the main reasons people are afraid to talk to someone about suicide is fear (Roush, Brown, Jahn, Mitchell, Taylor, Quinnett, & Ries, 2018). There are also many false beliefs attached to people who are experiencing suicidal thoughts. Some of them might include… “If I mention suicide they will do it… They really won’t do it if they are talking to me… If I ask about the plan, it will make them follow through.” And the big one…. “What if I say the wrong thing?” These are all false beliefs. All of these internal questions underline the fact that many people do not feel equipped, trained or confident in their abilities to address suicide.

“Asking questions about suicide does not make it worse. In fact, not asking questions does not allow you to respond in an educated and compassionate way resulting in a larger risk.”

Are there different “levels” of suicidal risk?

Thoughts of suicide can exist on a continuum. A person might be experiencing Passive Thoughts of Death such as thoughts about “not wanting to wake up, they would be better off if I wasn’t here, I wish I would get cancer and die….” These thoughts, while although not active suicidal thoughts, can be of concern and require you to take action (Interian, Chesin, Kline, Miller, St Hill, Latorre, & … Stanley, 2018). Other concerns that might come along with this type of thought process is seeing a change in functioning level. Change in sleep, appetite, isolating, decreased activities of daily living (ADL’s), increase substance use, and other risk-taking behaviors can all be of concern. If a person mentions any preparatory acts such as giving away of personal items, preparing for suicide (buying pills, rope), researching for ways to harm themselves, writing letters/suicide note or not being future-oriented, it is a cause for concern. Any statements regarding suicide or the above-listed things should be taken seriously. Even if someone says “but I wouldn’t do it,” you still should refer help them immediately get connected to a mental health professional. A person who has thoughts of suicide, a plan with access to means, and intent to kill themselves is at highest risk and should receive immediate intervention to ensure they are safe.

What do I say/ not say?

The most important step is that you ask about suicide and not be afraid to actually use the word “suicide.” Ask the person, “Have you had thoughts of suicide?” And if the answer is yes, “Do you have a plan of how you would kill yourself?” These questions are vital to know what level of risk a person might be experiencing. More in-depth questions will be needed, but depending on your role, your purpose might be to IDENTIFY and then guide the person to the next step to ensure there is a safe handoff to a social worker or other mental health professional. No one should leave a conversation with you after mentioning suicide without a plan being in place and you ensuring a connection has been made with a mental health professional. Lastly, it’s important to realize how you are asking the questions. Asking someone “you’re not going to kill yourself, are you?” can make someone defensive and decrease the chance they might be willing to share. It is important to show empathy, compassion, and allow someone to be open with their feelings.

Are there any pieces of training available?

One specific training available to anyone seeking additional training is called “Mental Health First Aid” ( ). This training follows a few specific steps that are important to remember. Their acronym ALGEE follows a 5 step process in assisting someone in getting appropriate help:

A ccess for risk for suicide/harm

L i sten non-judgmentally

G ive reassurance and resources

E ncourage appropriate professional help

E ncourage self-help/ other support strategies

What about working with people in addiction?

Sometimes we ask “what came first, the chicken or the egg?” as it relates to addiction and mental health symptoms, and many times people might not know the answer. Someone who has been self-medicating for most of their adult life might not be used to experiencing emotions they have numbed and do not know how to handle them without high anxiety or stress. One of the biggest clinical risk factors for suicide is hopelessness. Someone without protective risk factors (family, support, work, pets, etc) can be at a greater risk. Any time of transition can also be a huge stressor for a person. Getting married or divorced, getting or losing a job, the death of a loved one, the birth of a child, pretty much anything that changes can add stress to your life. This also includes sobriety. Someone who is newly sober is having to function in a way that is new to them and actively focus on changing negative behaviors, habits, and thoughts. Lastly, addictions are often based on faulty thinking and the same thing can be said as a symptom for individuals who struggle with anxiety or depression. Anyone can suffer from an addiction and anyone can suffer from a mental illness. Neither is a respecter of persons.

How do I help support someone who is struggling?

An important universal truth is that we all want to know that we matter and that we are important. An important role in suicide prevention is a strong support system and a good follow up plan (Brodsky, Spruch-Feiner, & Stanley, 2018). Leaving it as the ‘elephant in the room’ might lead someone to think that the topic makes you uncomfortable and might detour them from bringing it up again if the crisis returns. Statements reaffirming the strength and resilience it took to be open and be honest about underlying issues is important.

You should immediately connect the person to a mental health professional so that a thorough risk assessment can be completed. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline number is 800-273- TALK (8255) is a great resource that can connect you and the person in crisis to a trained professional and provide guidance to local resources in the area. In case of immediate crisis, contacting 911 or going to the closest emergency room might be the best approach. It is also wise to research local community resources before a crisis occurs so that you are prepared if a crisis does occur.

Just like in other areas of your professional work, the more training and practice you receive, the more confidence you feel in meeting the needs of someone in crisis. The risk of someone completing suicide can be greatly decreased by asking the appropriate questions, connecting them to appropriate professional services, and providing continued support as they focus on recovery.

References:

Mental Health First Aid (2018). What You Learn. Retrieved from https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/

Brodsky, Beth S., Spruch-Feiner, Aliza, & Stanley, Barbara (2018). The Zero Suicide Model: Applying Evidence-Based Suicide Prevention Practices to Clinical Care. Frontiers In Psychiatry, Vol 9 (2018), doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2018.00033/full

Interian, A., Chesin, M., Kline, A., Miller, R., St Hill, L., Latorre, M., & … Stanley, B. (2018). Use of the Columbia-Suicide Severity Rating Scale (C-SSRS) to Classify Suicidal Behaviors. Archives Of Suicide Research: Official Journal Of The International Academy For Suicide Research, 22(2), 278-294. doi:10.1080/13811118.2017.1334610

Roush, J. F., Brown, S. L., Jahn, D. R., Mitchell, S. M., Taylor, N. J., Quinnett, P., & Ries, R. (2018). Mental health professionals’ suicide risk assessment and management practices: The impact of fear of suicide-related outcomes and comfort working with suicidal individuals. Crisis: The Journal Of Crisis Intervention And Suicide Prevention, 39(1), 55-64. doi:10.1027/0227-5910/a000478

1. Clarify your values

What is important to you? Brainstorm how you can fit more of what you LOVE in life into what you DO in life. Someone who is satisfied will be happy and find value in each day. Identify the things you value the most and construct your life around those things. Personally, I value my faith, family, and the difference I can make in others’ lives. Over the years, I’ve constructed my career to fit into my lifestyle values. I chose a career that frees me up to spend time with my family, my God and making a difference in the lives of a diverse group of people. At the end of each day, I can lay my head on the pillow and know that I’ve invested in my family, allowed God to speak clearly to me, and I had the energy to spend time with at least one person investing in them.

2. Make a list

At your job, make a list so you can focus on the priorities and feel productive as you check things off. Many of us have so many interruptions during the day that we become distracted and feel powerless at accomplishing anything. We start projects that are derailed by distractions all day. Making a list helps me prioritize my time and responsibilities. If I’m distracted by a phone call or some pressing interruption from my boss or coworker, I can return to my list and pick up where I left off. It helps me stay on task.

In your personal life, another good list to make is a “bucket list.” What do you want your life to be? Make a list of your dreams and then prioritize them. When summer comes or you are ready to plan a vacation you go to your bucket list and choose something that hasn’t been done yet. Vacation somewhere on that list. Without living intentionally, you will never achieve what you desire in life.

3. Set the rules

Give yourself a set of rules that help honor that balance. In the game of life, you have to play by the rules. Fortunately, YOU get to make the rules (at least to some extent). Think of the rules as boundaries.

Boundaries help us stay on course.

They keep us on the road to success. They prevent us from becoming distracted by some off road interruption. Rules can include things like time off on the weekends, no cell phones at dinner time, only checking emails twice a day, spending 20 hours a month conversing with your spouse or children, developing and maintaining your faith, etc. Whatever you decide, play by those rules to maintain balance.

4. Don’t waste time

Look at your trip between work and home as another resource in attaining balance. Use this time to calm your mind and refocus your energy on the next thing that’s coming up — home, friends, and family. You might use your drive time to make a couple of phone calls so you can spend more time with your family at home. You might use your commute to unwind after a stressful day, so you’re emotionally centered for your family when you arrive home. Personally, I use my commute in the morning in prayer so that I’m spiritually ready for my day. How can you make the most of your time?

5. Do one thing at a time

I wish I could hear more people say, “I was able to complete one thing at a time and was fully present, and I feel satisfied.” In this fast-paced modern world, no one takes time to focus on just one thing. We’ve bought into “multi-tasking” hook, line and sinker and it’s left us worn out and frustrated.

The brain is not designed to focus on two things at once. Focus on one thing, finish it and bask in the satisfaction of a job well done before moving onto the next project.

This is much healthier than starting several projects and never finishing any of them. What is worse is completing several projects that are sloppy and not well done. Sometimes, less is more. Remember the Old Russian proverb, “If you chase two rabbits you will lose both of them.”

6. Volunteer

Especially if you feel undervalued. Volunteering provides a sense of value and meaning, and it’s a great way to meet new people. It can help you discover other interests, develop new skills and possibly transition into a new career that offer greater satisfaction and balance. People who volunteer are healthier, experience less depression, and live longer than those who do not volunteer.

7. Pay attention to the now

Don’t postpone your joy for dishes! There is always an abundance of things to do in a home. Vacuuming the living room, dusting the house and doing laundry are all important, but the door will shut on your kids’ childhood. Blink twice, and they’re moving out of the house. The now is all you have. The past is gone, and no one is promised the future, so pay attention to who is in front of you right now – tomorrow they may be gone. Don’t fall into the habit of needlessly postponing things that could bring you pleasure. My wife tells a story of a couple who saved every dime so they could travel after retirement. They postponed vacations and worked overtime so they could buy a travel trailer and see America. Six months after her husband retired – he died. Pay attention to the now.

8. Ask for help

Let go of the superhuman role. This is probably the hardest thing for me. I’m hyper-independent, but I’ve learned that I cannot do it all by myself. Bite the bullet and ask for help. If you don’t, you’ll spread yourself to thin and burnout. People who do everything, don’t do anything very well. This country was built on rugged independence, but her greatness has been sustained by community, shared responsibility, and neighbors helping neighbors. When you ask for help, you’ll find people are genuinely interested in helping you. You’ll discover friendships that are much deeper than you thought and more plentiful than you could imagine.

9. Realize intentions

What are the intentions behind your actions or daily activities? When you have an intention behind something, you can own the decision and can accept responsibility for the balance OR imbalance in your life. Are you a people pleaser who cannot say no? Do you worry what people will think if you don’t do this or that? Look at what you have to do each day and consider the purpose behind each action required. What are you trying to accomplish and will it get you closer to the balanced life you long for?

10. Take five

Start gradually by claiming just five minutes per day to indulge yourself. This may sound silly, but it’s a very powerful step toward balance in your life. When was the last time you indulged in something you really love? How long has it been since you indulged in an activity you truly enjoy? Take five minutes to pamper yourself and allow that five minutes to become a habit. Allow it to grow into 10 minutes, and then 30 minutes until you’ve reclaimed your life and the joy of balance.

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• The Prescription for Perfect Relationships

• Should You Marry a Person with a Porn Addiction?

• God’s Plan for Marriage and Sex

*ThoughtHub is provided by SAGU, a private Christian university offering more than 60 Christ-centered academic programs – associates, bachelor’s and master’s and doctorate degrees in liberal arts and bible and church ministries.